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Stephanie Diarbi

Understanding Emotions


As a highly sensitive person I have always been very aware of internal and external energy shifts. I am sure being born in Lebanon a few months before the onset of a civil war and spending my first three years of life in and out of crowded war bunkers has something to do with my porous emotional boundaries, but according to my mother I was born an empath. Let’s say it’s both/and, nature and nurture.


As I journeyed through life navigating the joys and pains of relationships, immigration, graduate school, work, marriage, and motherhood, I realized that feeling deeply didn’t necessarily mean I understood my emotions. I simply felt them intensely and viscerally to the point of being overwhelmed by them. Unfortunately, both my childhood experiences and culture (ethnic, regional, religious, and familial), like many others, failed to provide me with the adequate education, resources, and skills to understand and work with my emotions. They did, however, teach me to internalize toxic shame, minimize my emotions, and disconnect from my body.


The sad reality is that there are countless others with a story like mine. In a society that is far more focused on doing than it is on being, we often find ourselves striving for belonging, acceptance, and even survival. We do this at the expense of ourselves by shutting down our emotions and our inner voice.


A large part of my training and practice is understanding the science of emotions and how to work with them to improve our mental health, relationships, and overall wellbeing.



What are emotions?


Emotions are automatic, psychobiological responses to our immediate environment—internal and external. They are programs of action hardwired deeply into our middle brain and are therefore not subject to conscious control. In other words, emotions are universal, powerful forces that bypass our thinking brain and can instantaneously make us feel things and react—by words or actions—in unexpected and sometimes unwanted ways (Hendel, 2018; Damasio, 2005).


Once triggered by internal or external stimuli, emotions cause physical changes to our body and elicit a set of actions meant to help us face our present moment in the best way possible. For instance, while hiking some time ago, I saw a snake right by my foot—I am pretty terrified of snakes. I immediately felt my heart pounding and jumped backwards before I could consciously conceive what was happening. At the sight of perceived danger, the emotion of fear caused physical changes to my body and made me take instant action in order to survive.


There are 7 universal core emotions (I will cover them individually in future posts):


· Fear

· Anger

· Joy

· Sadness

· Disgust

· Excitement

· Sexual excitement



What is the role of emotions?


Emotions Provide Information


“Emotions are ancestral tools for living.” Jaak Panksepp

Emotions are evolutionarily designed to help us navigate life and our human experience.

They are highly attuned to our environment. This means that any time the slightest change takes place within or around us, emotions come onboard to tell us about that change and to urge us to pay attention to and deal with it if we want to survive or thrive (Fosha, 2009). For instance, anger is triggered to inform us that an injustice has taken place. If we allow it, anger will provide us with invaluable information about what is important to us and what we want to do about it.

Emotions essentially help us to know what we need, want, desire, and what is bad for us (Hendel, 2018).



Emotions Contain Solutions



“Emotion is the experiential arc between the problem and its solution.” Diana Fosha

Each emotion is innately programmed with a solution to the problem that triggered it in the first place. This solution, however, is only accessible once we allow the emotion to flow (Fosha, 2009; Hendel, 2018; Damasio, 2005). One thing to keep in mind here is that allowing an emotion to flow and processing it to completion is not the same as acting upon it. When somebody cuts in front of me at the grocery store, making space for anger doesn’t mean that I attack them—physically or verbally. Rather it means, that I allow my anger to communicate to me that I am not pleased and that this is not fair. I can then make an informed decision on how I would like to address the situation.

Our bodies are wonderfully designed and they usually hold the answers to achieve regulation if only we listen.



Emotions Lead to Authenticity


Processing emotions to completion is associated with experiencing energy, vitality, and resilience (Fosha, 2009; Hendel, 2018). When we honor our bodies by allowing our emotions to flow, we are communicating to ourselves that we care and that we are worthy of being listened to. This connects us to our authentic Self and ultimately to others both of which are crucial for our healing and growth.



It is important to know that there are no wrong emotions and right emotions. There are no good emotions and bad emotions. There are no male emotions and female emotions. All emotions are there to serve an important function and require our attention.


We are multilayered, complex beings with unique life experiences and varying levels of emotional sensitivity. Our journey towards healing through allowing our emotions to be the “experiential arc” that they are designed to be may not be a linear one. It may be messier than we expect. It may require us to take many breaks to breathe and re-center. It may be painful at times and joyful at other times. What I know for sure is that this journey is worth embarking on because you are so worth it.







 







Resources



Damasio, A. (2005). Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain (Illustrated ed.). Penguin Books. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0022-3999(96)00093-1


Fosha D. (2009). Emotion and recognition at work: energy, vitality, pleasure, truth, desire & the emergent phenomenology of transformational experience. In D. Fosha, D. J. Siegel & M. F. Solomon (Eds.), The healing power of emotion: Affective neuroscience, development, clinical practice (pp. 172-203). New York: Norton. Also reprinted in The Neuropsychotherapist. Jul/Sep 2013 (2), 28-51. www.theneuropsychotherapist.com


Hendel, J. H., (2018). It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self (1st ed.). Random House.




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